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"God didn’t create us with the ability to love simply to torture us with it.
He also made us with the ability to heal. It takes time to fall in love with a person, and it takes time to recover when your relationship with that person ends. But it can be done. The heart does heal."
Obviously no one but you really knows all the details and nuances of your relationship and whether it should end. And, as with any relationship problem, an important step in deciding how to move forward is talking to your partner first. But if you feel like you’ve tried everything and you’re still questioning things, see if any of these bad signs ring a bell.
1. The quirks and habits that were Nothing before are now driving you crazy.
Initially the things that now pisses you so much where things that made you laugh or just over look. Let’s say they’ve always been messy, but now you can barely stand what a slob they are.
“Ask yourself why this is getting on your nerves now,”
“It’s hard to leave something you’ve put a lot of time and emotion into, so you might be fixating on smaller things instead of the bigger problem.”
You might not feel like you’re actively avoiding spending time with them, but if you keep making plans that just happen to mean you don’t get to hang out with them, it’s probably not a coincidence. Even if it’s not intentional, you’re making a choice and you’re not picking your partner.
3. THINGS AREN'T MOVING FORWARD AND THERE'S NO GOOD EXPLANATION FOR IT
“A relationship won’t have a future or a good one, at least if one member of the couple constantly puts the brakes on developing more intimacy,”. So if they are making excuses about things like introducing you to their friends or family, talking about the future, or opening up about themselves, they’re probably avoiding it for a reason.
4. YOU'VE BROKEN UP AND GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER MORE THAN ONCE
Getting back together once is fine, but anything more than that and you’re probably not dealing with the real reason you keep breaking up. Skip the dysfunctional cycle of getting back together whenever you miss each other or are lonely and remember that you broke up for a legit reason.
5. CALLS AND TEXT MESSAGES NO LONGER COMES REGULARLY
All of a sudden you feel so reluctant sending messages or texting, sometimes you forget to. Before now you wont stay a day or two without calling or texting or both. now you only remember to text after a week or more
6. IF THERE WAS A PHYSICAL COMPONENT TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEFORE, IT'S PRETTY MUCH DEAD NOW
If you are just NOT attracted to your partner like you used to be, Schwartz suggests imagining feeling that way for years. It doesn’t matter if you’re not sure yet how long you’ll be with them. If this person turns out to be the one that goes the distance, are you okay going without that strong physical attraction?
7. SEX IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY THING GOING RIGHT WITH YOU TWO.
prioritizing sex in any relationship is a problem. totally fine if the purpose of this relationship is to meet your physical needs only. But if this isn’t a casual situation, it can be a bad sign if you’re all sex, no talk. “Some individuals prioritize needs like sex and physical attractiveness.
And while those relationships can last for years, they typically don’t last for many years,”
8. YOU SPEND A DECENT AMOUNT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE, AND IF THOSE PEOPLE MIGHT BE BETTER FOR YOU.
It’s normal to be a little curious what it’d be like to be with someone else. But if you find yourself wondering if there is someone who is more reliable, sensitive, communicative, or whatever else than your partner, those fantasies might be highlighting the holes in your relationship.
“Most people won’t get all their major needs met by a relationship, but they should get most of their needs met,”
“The important point is to ask yourself two questions: What are my primary needs from a relationship? Am I getting most of those needs met?”
9. YOU BICKER ALL THE EFFING TIME ABOUT PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.
You’ve probably heard that it’s healthy for couples to fight. That’s true to an extent, but arguing constantly isn’t normal. If you’re picking fights more often than you’re having positive, rewarding communication, pretty much all experts agreed: It’s time to reconsider.
10. YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE.
Yeah, you’re still doing everything you used to, like going out on dates, complimenting each other, but it no longer feels exciting or organic. If you’ve gotten to a point that you feel like you’re play-acting your relationship, it’s probably not a relationship you should be in anymore.
11.THEIR NEGATIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE
Everyone brings flaws and not-so-nice parts of themselves to a relationship. When those flaws start taking over, though, it’s a pretty big sign that you’re heading into bad territory. Think: They’ve always been a little jealous, now they’re overbearing. They’ve always been a little irritable, now they’re just mean. They’ve always been private, now they refuse to open up at all. “Very often it’s not a slump, it’s the beginning of the end,”.
12. YOU'RE SUPER JEALOUS AND SUSPICIOUS OF THEM MORE OFTEN THAN NOT
It’s one thing if your partner is acting shady — it’s another if you find yourself wanting to keep tabs on them or not trusting them when they haven’t given you a reason not to. If that’s the case, you probably have some stuff you need to work on within yourself.
“Relationships can significantly enhance your life, but only if you are emotionally ready to manage the demands of an adult relationship,”. “You are not ready for a committed relationship if you have a jealous streak and haven’t worked on it by going to therapy or reading self-help books.”
13. ONE OF YOU IS STILL UP ON AN EX.
This should be a serious deal breaker for any relationship. It shows that you’re not emotionally all in and no relationship can move forward if someone is still living in the past. You both deserve better than that.
14. YOU FIND YOURSELF THINKING THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS 'BETTER THAN NOTHING'.
It’s not. If you’re staying in a not-great relationship for this reason, you’re really not being honest or fair, walking away from a relationship can be terrifying, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good decision sometimes. “It also frees you up to be single and dating again — which means that there is a good possibility you will get into a better relationship,”
15. YOU CONSTANTLY FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT A PRIORITY TO THEM
A good relationship is reciprocal, meaning you’re receiving as much as you’re giving. And that’s not possible when a person is selfish and putting their needs over yours, “Don’t let inertia take over. If you get used to not being happy, getting talked over, and being put on the back-burner, you won’t be making active choices about whether or not you actually want to be in this relationship.”
16 YOUR TIMELINES ARE JUST OFF
Wrong timing might seem like the oldest line in the book, but it can be a legit relationship killer, Are you wanting more of a commitment than that person is ready or willing to give you right now? Are your schedules totally at odds? Are you guys just in different places in life (literally or figuratively)?
“You definitely want to have a conversation about where you stand and what you want,” “And if the conversation plays out that you’re really on two different pages, it may be time to break up.”
17. YOU'RE HOLDING OUT FOR YOUR PARTNER TO MAKE A BIG CHANGE IN ORDER FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER
If you’re banking on your partner…
— Changing their mind about wanting kids, getting married, relocating, or other serious future stuff
— Getting over their anger problems or other emotional issues
— Adjusting any personal or moral values that conflict with yours. Just…don’t. Either discuss how much you both are willing to compromise or cut your losses. “Figuring out if you should break up is like deciding when to sell a bad investment,”
“Is this worth the investment or do you really know that this just can’t work out because of bigger issues that will come up down the line?”
18. YOU ARE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO
You clearly don’t want to be with this person if you’re looking for someone to give you permission to end it.
Go forth. Be free. Dump them.
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